Over the last two weeks, the Pentagon and Defense Department
have been sent reeling with multiple hack attacks:

  http://www.news.com/News/Item/0%2c4%2c19472%2c00.html?dd

Officials did not reveal the exact nature of these computer
invasions, but our inside sources clued us in:

10. Got secret Pentagon cheats to "Command & Conquer"
9. Had spy satellite take photos of Pamela and Tommy Lee
8. New phone system hold music: Shatner's "Rocket Man"
7. Called off perimeter guards around Area 51
6. Emailed top military secrets to Special Agent Mulder
5. Put First Infantry on alert outside Redmond, WA
4. Newest four-star general: Jean-Luc Picard
3. Top admiral's AOL profile now reads "Marital status: gay"
2. Stole transcripts of Linda Tripp's personal phone calls
1. Digital wall map of Iraq replaced by giant dancing baby

A Thought


The thing about computer science is that we aren't concerned with the emperical. We are just building models and if they happen to coincide with the real world then we're not interested. ;-)

-Professor Mark Fishman


Yea, form the table of my memories, I'll wipe all trivial fond records.
--Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.

Artificial inteligence is a dicipline akin to numerology or astrology, but lacking the precision of the former, and the success of the latter.

--Stan Kelly-bootle

"If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem." -- C. Durance, Computer Science 234


Computer Aided Photo Editing

A man who seeks out bad news is just looking for trouble.

"You can't be too rich, too thin, or have too much swap space." -- Kurt Lanza 


From: dunn@soon.com (Lauren Dunn)
Subject: This is my partner, this is my . . .

I became fully aware last night that I've been spending entirely too much 
time with my computer. The first clue was when I noticed that my right hand 
is now permanently cramped into the famous "Microsoft Mouse" position.

The second hint was a little more tragic . . .

As I lay in bed last night looking at my wife, thinking how nice it would 
be to have sex with her, I rested my hand upon her breast and gently cupped 
it (having no choice, since my right hand is now permanently cramped). I 
heard a soft moan, but moments later found myself relegated back to my side 
of the bed.  Alas, I had double clicked her nipple.

Mozilla stomps IE

MCDONNELL DOUGLAS WARRANTY CARD

"Picture the sun as the origin of two intersecting 6-dimensional hyperplanes from which we can deduce a certain transformational sequence which gives us the terminal velocity of a rubber duck ..."
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. -- E. W. Dijkstra
"NEW LYRICS TO BEATLES SONGS": YESTERDAY --------- Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a millstone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say. Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns Subject: Decline of the Romans (From Mark Brader's .signature) "... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." -- Robert Firth
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns Subject: rr.1 From: maart@cs.vu.nl (Maarten Litmaath) RR(1) USER COMMANDS RR(1) NAME rr - Russian roulette SYNOPSIS rr DESCRIPTION rr executes a random command from one of the directories in the user's PATH environment variable. The command is invoked with arguments -fr $HOME DIAGNOSTICS `. not found' - Consult an expert. FILES None (if you hit the jackpot). SEE ALSO kill(1), kill(2) BUGS Some commands do not understand the game: they keep whining about `unknown options.' Please send bug reports to William C. Smith (smith_003@mit.edu, (617) 253-2996). AUTHOR null@dev.kgbvax.su (Mr. kgbVax)
In the beginning, if you wanted to communicate with another user, you could cat a message to his terminal. Then they invented write... ...and then talk. There was also E-Mail, but it was bastardized when people started introducing it to a GUI. The same thing happened to news groups, now called discussion groups. And once people began trying to down load news over a modem.... that was the end of modern civilization, and the beginning of leased T3's. Bryan Lee Disclaimer: Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer, my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic. The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god coefficient. (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is beyond the scope of this article.)

The Color scheme for this page is based on those old "Amber vision" CRT's, and the Green nasties. That Purple/lavandar thing just kinda hppened, but I thought it looked good, so I kept it.

Seen as grafitti on whiteboard during video presentation at JavaOne conference: if (you.canRead(this)) you.canGet(new job(!problem)); The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. E. W. Dijkstra "The sendmail configuration file is one of those files that looks like someone beat their head on the keyboard. After working with it... I can see why!" -- Harry Skelton (harry@usrgrp) _ _ _ _ __ __ __ ___ ___ _________________________ ___ ___ __ __ __ _ _ _ _ Parity error is a bit funny! On a clear disk, you can seek forever. "Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?" "Yes, I don't have one." "Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors ..." -- E. D'Azevedo, Computer Science 372 Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly misleading. Debug only code. -- Dave Storer 06/26 1997: Communications Decency Act declared unconstitutional, 7-2 It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration. -- Dijkstra