From: "Wizard of Oz" Newsgroups: alt.basement.graveyard Subject: For Simon Three pieces of string walk into a bar and find themselves a table. The first piece of string goes up to the bar and orders 3 beers. The barman says "Sorry mate, we don't serve string in this bar." He goes back to the table and tells his mates what's happened. The second piece of string says "Don't worry about it, I'll get the beers." He goes up to the barman and orders 3 beers. The barman says "Listen mate, I told your friend, we don't serve string in this bar." He goes back to his table and tells his mates "That guy is serious. No beer. We may as well go." The third piece of string says "Hang on, give me a go." He them proceeds to tie a knot in his head and frizzes up his hair. He walks up to the bar and orders 3 beers. The barman says "Listen mate, I told your first friend, I told your second friend, now I'm telling you. We don't serve string in this bar." The piece of string says "But I'm not a piece of string!" The barman says "Yes you are a piece of string." The third piece of string says "I'm afraid not!" ----- From: "christy" Newsgroups: alt.basement.graveyard Subject: Bar jokes. OK Bar jokes it is. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and says to the barman "Give me a beer." The barman replies "Sorry mate, we don't serve food in this bar." -- The Wizard Of Oz The trick to flying is to learn to throw yourself at the ground and miss. --------------------------- From: Simon Besteman Newsgroups: alt.basement.graveyard Subject: Thks. Here's for you all Thank you all, you're very sweet and I'm very grateful! My turn then, sorry for those who've heard this one before: A duck walks into a bar. Goes up to the bartender. "YOU GOT ANY FISH?" Asks the Duck. "No we don't sell fish, we're a bar." The puzzled bartender replies. "OK". Says the duck and walks out. Next day the duck walks into the bar again. "YOU GOT ANY FISH?" The bartender is beginning to get tired of this: "I told you yesterday: This is a bar, we don't sell fish. Now get lost". "OK" Says the duck and walks out. On the third day the duck walks into the bar and sure enough walks up to the bartender: "YOU GOT ANY FISH?" The bartender has had enough by now. he grabs the duck by its neck and lifts him onto the bar. "Listen you stupid bird, if you ask for fish one more time in this place I'm gonna nail your ugly little palmed feet to this bar, got it?" "OK" Says the duck and walks out. On the fourth day the bartender sees the duck walk in again. The duck walks up to him and says: "YOU GOT ANY NAILS?" "Uh.. no." The bartender answers. "GOOD! YOU GOT ANY FISH?" May the farce be with you Simon